#20 – La transparence des larmes
September 2015
Acrylic on canvas (1m x 1m)

“La transparence des larmes” (the transparency of tears) – a title which carries so much meaning for me. Tears flowed when I painted this canvas, liberating and beautiful. I paid attention to them and was able to see what was behind them, what they meant for me and how they needed to be shed. I felt peace after the tears.

Peace in my heart.

Letting tears flow without holding them or wiping them is one of the most healing thing that can happen to me. When they can flow freely, rolling down my cheeks, down my neck, joining up at the neckline and following the path straight to my heart. Like a precious healing water, making me feel alive and thankful. And at peace with my emotions. Present.

I used to be laughed at in school for crying in public, in class, or wherever it was not “proper” to cry, being labeled a softie or over-sensitive. I used to feel ashamed of crying, lonely and misunderstood. And yet I know now that it is the most healthy response: to cry when I feel like crying. Tears of rage, tears of frustration, tears of grief or overwhelming beauty, in a sunset, watching my sleeping child, …

Holding up and swallowing tears is what starts to make me so hard inside if it happens over and over again.

Why pretend that everything is ok when it is not? Why toughen up when it takes so much more energy than letting go? Because we are afraid of being laughed at? Because someone might use this against us?

Please show some compassion for those who cry. You don’t have to say anything or do anything. Allow the tears to flow, make space for them in your own heart, make space for your own tears and for those of others. If you feel like crying as well, then do so. Share a bit of humanity with whomever is crying. Please do not say “don’t cry” if it makes you feel uneasy when someone else is crying. Welcome your uneasiness, welcome your humanity and feeling helpless in that moment. Your simple presence can do wonders.

Make eye contact. Send love. Ground yourself. Make room for the tears.

And when they have flowed… eventually… peace will return. Even if the going gets rough, clarity will come.

This is what happened in this painting. Chaos, feeling lost, wandering in the depths of colour, not knowing what would be, bottled up anger, abuse, rage, hatred, all came up, out of the depth of my bones and my cells… And within a few brushstrokes of white and red paint, the tears started to flow, the brush followed them, gently, to reveal a clearing in this darkness, in this overwhelming ton of indescribable “stuff” …

And then… Then, came peace…

Listening carefully to the canvas, I started to hear the bamboo leaves swooshing in a light breeze, following my breath, finally calm.

Present in the moment in front of the finished piece.

La transparence des larmes.

*** Painting sold to private collector in Germany ***